I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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