They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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