I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize