I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dicks are not precious.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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