you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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