i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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