so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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