Non-Jews are for practice
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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