nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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