i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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