do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i will never coherently bang her
Ketchup is God's man juice
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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