I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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