My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize