I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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