the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize