i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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