During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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