I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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