I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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