I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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