Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize