pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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