She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize