I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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