What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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