don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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