please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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