Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.

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  (917): Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college. http://tfl.nu/0xig
  Replies (24) Good night (726) Bad night (3143) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee

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  (404): I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee http://tfl.nu/kgs2
  Replies (28) Good night (2567) Bad night (680)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.

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  (716): i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy. http://tfl.nu/q9at
  Replies (76) Good night (3440) Bad night (1876) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!

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  (781): yours is so small it looks like an acorn!! http://tfl.nu/y1ac
  Replies (23) Good night (507) Bad night (4425) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard

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  (708): I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard http://tfl.nu/i4gj
  Replies (19) Good night (4036) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic

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  (713): I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic http://tfl.nu/5us9
  Replies (3) Good night (3958) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.

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  (214): um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid. http://tfl.nu/gcwj
  Replies (17) Good night (2812) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B

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  (303): I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B http://tfl.nu/0558
  Replies (11) Good night (3262) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.

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  (847): I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed. http://tfl.nu/z7fq
  Replies (2) Good night (1286) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical

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  (508): I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical http://tfl.nu/aogk
  Replies (7) Good night (1247) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.

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  (615): How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them. http://tfl.nu/5mum
  Replies (14) Good night (1852) Bad night (679)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.

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  (712): Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader. http://tfl.nu/60hc
  Replies (1) Good night (1371) Bad night (292)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.

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  (314): I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling. http://tfl.nu/0c6k
  Replies (6) Good night (738) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (+86): View more from China

  Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.

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  (+86): Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs. http://tfl.nu/vpgv
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (205)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.

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  (203): You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity (1-203): You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in. http://tfl.nu/9k8g
  Replies (1) Good night (772) Bad night (159)

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