I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
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Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
false alarm, still single
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