So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize