She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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