You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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