When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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