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I wanna bring you to show and tell
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
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