I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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