She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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