i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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