Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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