turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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