On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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