so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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