OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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