AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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