dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize