I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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