i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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