He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize