I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize