You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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