i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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