VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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